YES, I have my passport.

For weeks, nay, MONTHS, caring family and friends have asked me if I've received my passport yet. First it was nice, then it got to be depressing, then it started to piss me off (not at the asker of course, but at the situation). It has been almost 13 weeks to the day since I submitted my passport application, and after weeks of waiting, they sent me my passport with my middle name misspelled. When I saw the typo, it was all I could do not to tear up the room I was in. Serenity then, insanity now... read on...

So today I spent from 10am to 5:30pm dealing with it at the SF Passport Office. After about 5 hours of standing in line commiserating with everyone around me who were in a very similar situation, I finally have a correct passport.

From the hapless post office workers who were nice but of shitty help in the beginning of the process, all the way to the apologetic people at the passport office that were also of little help at the end, I say FUCK YOU. That's right!!! FUCK YOU, I HAVE MY PASSPORT. I have had empathy the entire time, was nice on the phone, was nice in person, but after being lied to repeatedly and being made to wait and wait and wait and fucking wait some more, they can all GO FUCK THEMSELVES WITH A GIANT BARREL CACTUS!!

I don't have any more silver fucking lining, no more positive spin, no empathy - they lied when they said it was going to be done in 6 weeks, lied about 8 weeks, lied about 10 weeks, and continued to lie about how I could get my passport corrected and when I should get in line. They lied not just to me, but to everyone. They told everyone to "be back at 3pm" and it'll be all fine. Then you go there at 3 at there's a line outside the building a block long because they've told everyone the same goddamned lie.

The way they have the passport application process set up now is to reward the ill prepared and irresponsible. I was in line right next to two people who asked for and got their passports the today because they were traveling sooner than I was. Meanwhile, I submitted in February and I'm in the same goddamn bitch shit fuck fuck shit bitch fuck shit fuck fucking line! I don't blame those people, I blame the Bush fucking idiot run U.S. Department of State for rewarding last minute travelers and by extension punishing people who had planned well in advance.

Meanwhile, their phone message says how busy they are and how hard they're all trying – I say FUCK THEM!!! FUCK THEM ALL UP THE ASS WITH A TELEPHONE POLE WITH A WORKER STILL ATTACHED TO IT. Tell them your travel plans have changed and you need your passport in 3 days and they'll give it to you because that's their dumb ass policy. They NEVER checked when I was actually going to leave. They can't check because their thumbs are SO FAR up their own asses that the tops of their heads are giving you a thumbs up to do whatever the fuck you want. LIE to them because they will LIE to you. Get your passport done early so you can make any corrections by mail instead of waiting and dealing with the dumb fuck office.

Also, a very special FUCK YOU to the surly security guards!!! I have ZERO sympathy for you and all the crap you have to deal with because the people you work for lie to everyone and piss them off, and all you do is enforce their BULLSHIT. FUCK. YOU.