YES, I have my passport.

For weeks, nay, MONTHS, caring family and friends have asked me if I've received my passport yet. First it was nice, then it got to be depressing, then it started to piss me off (not at the asker of course, but at the situation). It has been almost 13 weeks to the day since I submitted my passport application, and after weeks of waiting, they sent me my passport with my middle name misspelled. When I saw the typo, it was all I could do not to tear up the room I was in. Serenity then, insanity now... read on...

So today I spent from 10am to 5:30pm dealing with it at the SF Passport Office. After about 5 hours of standing in line commiserating with everyone around me who were in a very similar situation, I finally have a correct passport.

From the hapless post office workers who were nice but of shitty help in the beginning of the process, all the way to the apologetic people at the passport office that were also of little help at the end, I say FUCK YOU. That's right!!! FUCK YOU, I HAVE MY PASSPORT. I have had empathy the entire time, was nice on the phone, was nice in person, but after being lied to repeatedly and being made to wait and wait and wait and fucking wait some more, they can all GO FUCK THEMSELVES WITH A GIANT BARREL CACTUS!!

I don't have any more silver fucking lining, no more positive spin, no empathy - they lied when they said it was going to be done in 6 weeks, lied about 8 weeks, lied about 10 weeks, and continued to lie about how I could get my passport corrected and when I should get in line. They lied not just to me, but to everyone. They told everyone to "be back at 3pm" and it'll be all fine. Then you go there at 3 at there's a line outside the building a block long because they've told everyone the same goddamned lie.

The way they have the passport application process set up now is to reward the ill prepared and irresponsible. I was in line right next to two people who asked for and got their passports the today because they were traveling sooner than I was. Meanwhile, I submitted in February and I'm in the same goddamn bitch shit fuck fuck shit bitch fuck shit fuck fucking line! I don't blame those people, I blame the Bush fucking idiot run U.S. Department of State for rewarding last minute travelers and by extension punishing people who had planned well in advance.

Meanwhile, their phone message says how busy they are and how hard they're all trying – I say FUCK THEM!!! FUCK THEM ALL UP THE ASS WITH A TELEPHONE POLE WITH A WORKER STILL ATTACHED TO IT. Tell them your travel plans have changed and you need your passport in 3 days and they'll give it to you because that's their dumb ass policy. They NEVER checked when I was actually going to leave. They can't check because their thumbs are SO FAR up their own asses that the tops of their heads are giving you a thumbs up to do whatever the fuck you want. LIE to them because they will LIE to you. Get your passport done early so you can make any corrections by mail instead of waiting and dealing with the dumb fuck office.

Also, a very special FUCK YOU to the surly security guards!!! I have ZERO sympathy for you and all the crap you have to deal with because the people you work for lie to everyone and piss them off, and all you do is enforce their BULLSHIT. FUCK. YOU.

Extra! Extra! Read some about it.

In breaking news, a part of the I-80/I-580 interchange melted and collapsed this morning due to a fuel tanker fire. An article in SF Gate adroitly wrote, "So far this morning, traffic on all the affected roadways remains light, but major backups are expected today and for the foreseeable future." That last insightful, Pulitzer prize winning part about major backups and the foreseeable future was all you really need actually. It pretty much sums up Bay Area traffic everyday.

I no so feels so goood...

How quickly things can change! It's been 15 minutes since I last blogged and now I am sucking down some fizzy Airborne water 'cause I don't feel so hot (or actually, I do, but it comes and goes).

I'm also remembering a weird dream I had. I was chasing down this giant white spider (about fist sized) trying to kill it. While doing so, I came across another spider exactly like it except it was dark brown. I ended up killing both of them after the white one lead me to a spot where there were all these spider eggs.

The dream probably comes from the fact that the other day Cathryn found another large spider (like the one that bit my face) in our room. I gotta find where they're coming from.

Also, no more computer Scrabble at 3am!

super rad!

You know the saying, "Be careful what you wish for?" Well, after I ran out of free return address labels (from non-profit junk mail - thanks!), I started dreaming of getting those Avery kind that you can customize and print out yourself. Lo and behold, my wishes were answered by an anonymous small packet of Avery do it yerself address return sticky labels.

On my first printing run, I got distracted by lunch and hit "print" without lowering the manual feed lid on the printer and walked off. What I ended up with was a ball of self stick address labels spackling the insides of my printer. I cleared the jam and thought all was fine – that is until today when I tried to print again. Like the Aliens monster, partial labels were left behind to form into smaller, shredded versions of the original and got even more stuck than before.

Forty five minutes, 2 screwdrivers, 2 types of tweezers, a #4 Torx bit, and a butter knife later, the jam was cleared. The secret weapon though? Bestine! Seriously, everyone needs to have this stuff in the house for cleaning up sticky messes (sorry, but earth friendly stuff just doesn't cut it). Oh yeah... dermal contact over extended periods of time can damage your kidneys – but it works great!

It came from the BLOG!!!!

Here are some more images from my frequent sojourns upon the nearby Bay Trail. I know two of the shots look like sewer gates, but I think they're more flood control or sluice gates for the reclaimed wetlands that are bordered by the trail. It took me about 45 minutes to get out here and I stopped going south at the picture of the bridge. Beyond there I'm sure will be a path that leads to the San Mateo bridge! Can't wait to see it, but I definitely have to work my stamina up to do it (yes, I'm old and slow).

In the category of non brutally boring sluice gate material to read, my passport is *almost* done. That is, I called twice, and by the second time I was informed that my passport only had one more process to go though – whatever that means. Sigh... 12 weeks and counting... If you need your passport, I suggest you either opt for expedited service or keep calling with long winded tearful stories of how you need to rescue 90 starving children and need your passport to do it (because we all know how nutritious passports are).

Oh yeah! I almost forgot! I went to the Parkway last night to catch The Host. It's a Korean action/horror movie that was pretty decent. Definitely different than the usual Hollywood crap (it's Korean crap instead!). I never did like movies with deliberate pacing on the slower side, so only 2 stars for me. The best part was afterwards when we went to the Smokehouse for a cheeseburger and chili cheese fries. OH YEAH!!

WWOD: What would Osama do?

Check out the tile! I wish I could have gotten a shot of the sub floor as well, but I think these two photos will suffice to show the tiling process. It only took two days, but they were about 5 hour days of being bent over (insert joke here) working with natural slate; and the word "slate" comes from the Native American word for heavy, viciously sharp rock.

Next up is to reinforce the door frame, which I discovered was installed with paper clips and chewing gum and then covered up with molding by the Home Depot door contractor. There's nothing like the feeling of paying well for someone to be lazy and prideless about the work they do on your home. Hooray!

I'm on it like a shock jock on unoriginal racial slurs

I would love to say that someone stole my idea, but the idea is actually from Blade Runner. But I DID say it should be lit by LEDs which could have the batteries in the handle. It looks like someone else figured out the same thing too, only they got off their ass and did something about it! Think Geek is now selling a LED Umbrella for 24.95. Forget the fact that you'll look like a citizen of an 80's vision of futuristic dystopia, with that light on, you can dart around on dark and rainy SF streets and actually been seen by the onrush of cars (and then get hit by them, but at least they will see you).

ps. Deckard was most certainly a replicant!

sorry, no blog today

So I finally caught that movie I, Robot starring Will Smith and I couldn't believe that it didn't suck! Sure, the story tried have some deeper philosophical meaning and didn't quite make it (what makes a soul, individual freedom, racial equality, blah, blah, blah), but the special effects and action sequences were most entertaining. I'd give it a solid 2.47 stars because I'm feeling generous, it's late, and I can't do any math right now (I base my ratings on a Mayan vigesimal algorithm).

But what I can do is entertain/torture you with this fun song from the hot little lesbian duo of t.a.t.u (don't ask me what the acronym stands for, why they are lesbians, where they are now, or what they do with robots, because unless they're on some d-list VH1 "celebrity" show, I don't know). By the way, the song is in some sort of Russian type language. Music PLUS culture! Don't you feel special?

Robot by t.a.t.u.

I'm a fugitive from justice

Who knew the 80's were back so big? (everyone but me, I'm sure) Giant bangs, vans, ugly turquoise leg warmers, and probably piano ties will be the next thing I see unfortunately walking around in my field of view (unless it's a film with John Cusack in it, I really don't want to see those things… gah!). But there is an upside though – apparently Wayfarers are also back, and I just sold my old pair that I had high school on eBay for a cool $51! It's going to some dude in Greece, so I guess he'll be wearing them during a very personal recreation of Duran Duran's Rio video.

Sighhh... I wonder how much my long deceased Vaurnet t-shirt would have been worth...

coolest video since OK Go's treadmill tango

Okay, so this isn't a super new idea, but it's done very well and the song is good to boot. I wish Mute Math the same success as the aforementioned OK Go :) Enjoy Typical!


The making of...

Alert: can't keep up with horny women

Most of the time, I do away quickly with spam, but sometimes it's just too amusing to pass up! I recently received an email from Merle Dodge with the titular alert. Inside was only some gibberish and a link. Sigh... I guess I'll just have to rely on the emergency broadcasting system to alert me of horny women like everyone else.

The word of the day is...
titular [titch • uh • lar] ~ noun
1. existing or being such in title only; nominal; having the title but none of the associated duties, powers, etc.: the titular head of the company.
2. from whom or which a title or name is taken: His titular Saint is Michael.
3. of, pertaining to, or of the nature of a title.
4. having a title, esp. of rank.
5. designating any of the Roman Catholic churches in Rome whose nominal incumbents are cardinals.
6. of, or relating to, tits (vul.)

scrabble is a good game for OCD

I love this album cover :)

So now that I've been playing Scrabble on my phone, I'm starting to dream about Scrabble words and when I'm exposed to unusual or new words, I see if they have high scoring letters in them. I guess it's bound to happen when you get into anything... it's like when I started playing Halo - I would position myself from time to time in a good sniping position in the real world out of habit (given the horrific events at Virginia Tech, thinking about letters instead of head shots is probably a good direction to go in anyway).

Scrabble not guns! I wonder if it would catch on? Anyway, I have no idea how this entry started at triple word score and went dark, but let's end this on a happier note... please enjoy a fun song that I'm sure everyone already knows about but I've just discovered.

Here (In Your Arms) by Hellogoodbye

uni my ball

Who knew that pen technology could be pushed any further? It's been years since I last purchased any and I happened to be in Target today so I figured, let's see what they have! I came across a packaged marked "Helps prevent check fraud", and I was sold! Apparently, the ink is specially formulated to sink into the fibers of paper and resist washing.

Being a designer, pen lover, geek, and kind of paranoid that everyone is out to get me, I knew that this was the pen for me! It is the glorious Uni-Ball 207. It writes very smoothly, retracts, and has a safety rubber grip so it wont fly out of your hand and into someone's anus during use (unless you're into that sort of thing - and if you are, don't write me any checks). The pens are also packed with a tiny bit of glue at the tip which I'm assuming ensures that no drying out occurs while it waits patiently on the shelves for customers. I love little details like that! Or maybe that's standard now... I have no idea. Who knew a pen could be so cool for $1.50?

I bet you never thought you'd get to read a pen review in your lifetime. You can now move on to skydiving, visiting the pyramids, or underwater basket weaving.

I don't know what anything means anymore

Maybe I have a demented mind, but this ad seems just wrong somehow. Exactly why or what, there are too many ways. I also can't help but to wonder, who did they hire to do this ad? Did they get paid? Why didn't they call me? This will haunt the rest of my day!

I'll have my mural well done, please.

My sister sent this to me this morning and I thought I'd share it some more. This is for those of you who enjoy a lot of precariously placed things that make up a picture when viewed from a sufficient distance.

ps. In case you cannot tell (and therefore would not be sufficiently amazed), those are all eggs. It took 80 prisoners 80 days to complete. Their organs were later given off in a raffle.

Schoompytown, USA. Population: 2

While I'm certain that Schmoopytown, USA has more than just us two in it, the denizens of Schmoopytown are required to think that only themselves and their schmoopy are the only two people in the world. It's just like a schmoopy to think like that.

For those of you who are fans of Rescue Me and cool bass lines, enjoy this ditty by the Von Bondies. Happy lazy Sunday to all!

C'mon C'mon by The Von Bondies

Parfois une rose est juste s'est levée

Here's a shot of Cathryn's beloved rose plant. Granted it's not the most perfect bloom, but I like its personality. As a bonus to image collectors, the link to this thumb nail is 768x1024, so if you like the shot you can grab a a nice big version of it :)

In other news, it turns out the fellow who sold me the EyeTV is totally stand up. He called me from New York with apologies and even refunded my money before getting it back in the mail. I'm still disappointed that it didn't work, but I'm pretty happy that everything is going work out just fine (after eBay gets its cut of the transaction coming and going of course). Hooray for good people!

I'm now off to watch the Sharks versus Nashville.
GO SHARKS!!! (update: sharks lost 5-2. Darn!)

ps. If any one really knows French (ce qui n'est pas moi), please translate the title properly for me - thanks!

eBay hates me

I guess if you buy things on eBay, you're bound to come across some bad luck. I recently purchased an item that's supposed to allow me to use my computer like a Tivo (an EyeTV 200). When it arrived, I was super excited (I had been bidding and losing for about a month).

But after I finally hooked it up (after a trip to Target and moving the computer into the living room), it worked like the TVs of yore – circa 1977. I had to keep connecting and disconnecting it. Turning it on and turning it off. Even hitting the top of it a la Fonzi worked to bring in a picture. But the picture that I did get when the unit reluctantly stirred into operation was static filled and pretty much crappy. Sigh... I'd probably be better off just buying a new TV and a VCR.

mirror in the bathroom

I have no idea why a random door with a smashed mirror would be in the middle of the sidewalk in Berkeley. Then again, it's Berkeley, so who knows... maybe somebody got really mad because the door they were carrying around was too heavy for them so they threw it mightily upon the ground in exhausted disgust. Or maybe aliens from outer space abducted it and all the breakage was caused by their attempts to anally probe it. Either way, it makes for a neat photo.

In other news, I've been playing tiny Scrabble on my phone. I must admit, I felt kinda bent over for paying $7 (plus delivery charges) for a cell phone game, but it certainly has been worth it! They did a great job translating the game into such a small screen and got the details right. Of course, on the hardest difficulty setting, the computer used words like GARTH and NICOL Both of which I thought were names, but they are a yard or garden and a type of prism respectively. Who knew?

So if you see me intently staring at my phone, I'm not texting, I'm steadily draining my battery in a war of words. Maybe I'll even learn a few new ones in the process.

new tentant

While outside the other day, I heard/felt this WHOOSH go by my head - kind of like if a giant bumble bee had just flown by. But in addition to the wasps, dozens (and dozens) of spiders, there is now another critter making a home on our home. This hummingbird found a place to build a nest upon - the strain relief fitting for the cable line. Our kitchen window is right below, so it would explain him trying to get into the house through there every now and again (it sounds like you would think; tiny 'bonk'... 'bonk'.... ...... 'bonk'... sounds).

It's kinda cool actually - as long as I don't end up cleaning up hummingbird poo or dead baby hummingbirds, I'll be okay.

UPDATE: Yep. One dead baby hummingbird on the ground. Sigh...

that's filthy dirty!

Yes. Your feet will thank you. Then I bet they will turn these things into a germ and smell factory after the third time you wear them. Seriously, I probably shouldn't have written anything and let your imaginations run wild with what these footwear abominations would end up like after regular use. But then again, what do I know? Sweaty feet plus sheepskin plus grime from walking around probably doesn't smell like anything I'm sure.

I'll have fries with everthing

I'm full of carnitas and it's Friday!!! Woohoo! Also, I've been meaning to post a pic of this new snazzy rug we got from Target. Though its rectangular glory cannot be denied, I realize that rugs aren't the most exciting things to read about (especially if someone else gets to enjoy it - as I do daily by rolling around naked upon it). But what's exciting for me is that not only is the living room a little more quiet and warm and now there's a soft spot on the floor where I can exercise, but there was also finally something cool to get from Target. It's been too long of a drought!

And did I already mention that I'm filled with carnitas and it's Friday? Woohoo!!!

giant cristals!

Okay, I'm not really referring to the overpriced champagne, I'm actually referring to this article on some cool georrific giant crystals found in caves de Mexico.

Out on my bike ride today I saw a really old dude jogging. Well, it was more like sorta kinda semi fast shuffling, but he had to have been at least 85! I'm like, holy shit! If he's out getting healthy, then I certainly can at least go biking as often as possible. Other things I saw: two geese making lots of noise trying to get the attention of (what I assumed was) a female geese who wanted nothing to do with either of them (kind of like being at a club, but with more feathers and goose poop), graffiti, lots of old tires, and numerous flocks of birds.

A while ago, I posted a music recommendation for Wound Up by Office. At that point, it was being offered for free on iTunes, but I had no other way of letting people to listen to it. Since I've discovered the delicious thing... here it is!

Wound Up by Office

stop breathing on my elbow

This weekend was our friend Rachel's wedding, and it was a beautiful day. I hadn't seen her in forever, so it was good to see her again under such happy circumstances. We sat at the 'compassion' table, and I gotta say that the named tables were a good departure from sitting at 'table 6', plus I rather liked being at a table named after something that I'm trying to get better at practicing. Everyone had cameras and in between speeches, food, and whatnot, we snapped away and anything and everything. Good times!

Bev's new camera takes great photos like the one you see of me and Cathryn (thanks Bev!). Its giant LCD gave me technolust and filled my head with flights of fancy for a prosumer Nikon D80.

On Sunday, my cousin dropped by for a visit and we immediately started doing what we always do: play games and eat! So of course we all went for dinner at Luisa's Place, and while their menu choices were limited due to an especially busy day, I think the tacos and potato dish we ordered were twice their normal size because we got everything that was left at the end of the day :) Also, I got to try a soda called Inca Cola - a very popular soda Sandy had while visiting Peru where it's made. The stuff looks like urine, but tastes like delicious, sweet candy. I'm so going to get a shirt with their cool logo on it, too.

eBay... GAHHHHHH!!!

Can't sell, can't win. Good god it's been an awful run of late! If anyone has an eBay talisman or voodoo magic or something, could you lend it to me for a little bit? I need to buy a Rummikub set that I don't really need!