Maybe I need to wear more flair

So I had this really big thing written out about what Halloween was like for me this year. True to my experiences this weekend, Blogger hiccupped and subsequently wiped out all my words. So I'll sum it up. I apologized to all my friends for not being myself. I also thanked all of them for supporting me, understanding me, or otherwise overlooking my grumpy state. Near as I can tell, the skull that's depicted as eating my car, was also after my soul. I'm glad it didn't get it, and I'm glad for my friends.

I break, you fix. Thank you!

In honor of the upcoming All Hallow's Eve, here are two fun images for you! The first is a spider that has chosen my front porch as her new home. And check out a this sneak peak at my contribution to Amit's giant Halloween project. It's still a work in progress (obviously), and I'm hoping it won't be crap when all is said and done. I finally got to use my glue gun, and I gotta say that I can totally see myself becoming addicted to using it! After I got the hang of how it worked, I found myself looking for stuff to glue together (Hello, buttcheeks!). I had always hoped that there was a little bit of an industrial designer in me. Now if I can only fall in love with modeling foam...

I usually don't go on and on about new music (too much - heh, heh), but I just saw the new video from Madonna for the song "Hung Up" kicks so much ass, it is not to be believed! This song is just begging to be turned into a club friendly 12" mix, and if the rest of the music from her new album is of this caliber, expect to be inundated with her songs for a while.

Getting back to addictive things, I just ate a bunch of nacho flavored Doritos while drinking Pepsi. I was literally giddy with happiness after doing so. How can so much happiness come from a bag and a can? I don't know, but I wonder if there's a support group out there for what I have.

The hive diaries

I've been trying to write down everything I eat, wear, or am otherwised exposed to in an effort to find out what's triggering my hives because my doctor asked me to. So I end up looking like an escaped insane asylum patient who scratches himself and then records the special event in a notebook. It's been interesting in a way to see exactly the wide variety of things I consume in a day, but I don't know how long I can keep this up! I've had better luck with something else my doctor wanted me to do, though.

Everyday I'm supposed to boil up some water so that it's nice and steamy, then shove my head into the steam and breathe in the vapors for at least 5 minutes. Doing so is supposedly great for my always clogged sinuses. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that inhaling scalding hot steam into your lungs through your nasal passages feels great! Well, it actually doesn't even come close to something fun to do, but you know what? Doc was right. I've only been doing it fairly regularly for about two weeks and things are noticeably better (ha, ha, I said "doing it fairly regularly"). So if you find a "So I heard your sinuses are feeling better!" Hallmark card, please send it.

Oh yeah, since I love giving too much information (especially in the form of an embarrassing story), I vigorously adjusted myself the other day when I thought no one was around. Normally I'd wait until I'm in the glorious private solitude that is a restroom stall, but my undies were pinching all around somethin' fierce and something just HAD to be done. So I reached around and shook it all about to great relief, only to realize a moment later that all along the path I was walking upon were these rooms of a workshop with big windows and people working inside right next to them. The glare from said windows had duly blocked any hint of activity from where I was on the path at the moment of my decision to go for the gold. I don't know if any of them saw my little dance, but as nonchalantly as I could, I walked on through and didn't look back. That's right. No regrets. It was worth it. I was finally feelin' fine!

Last but not least, I almost forgot to talk about the pictures! The fishy was a happy little piñata. We then beat him with a stick until he burst open to spill his insides out onto the patio. He was filled with delicious, sweet, sweet candy. And something called Dots. Heretofore known to me as yet another thing that tastes like ass.

RECENTLY BOUGHT AT TARGET®
2 large terra-cotta pots on clearance ~ incredible deal at 12.48 each!
1 glue gun for halloween projects ~ 8.99
1 big bag of glue sticks for the glue gun (I'm living the glue gun dream) ~ 2.49
1 hanes crew neck sweat shirt for my mom ~ 6.49

Kentucky is the lubricant state

I can't believe it's been almost two weeks since we were wandering around the edges of the Mission when I came across these things. When I first saw the road sign, I couldn't believe it was for real! Ha ha. Those DOT folks have a sense of humor after all (considering that it took them a decade long study or something to figure out the new typeface to use for traffic signs). Perhaps they could put the sign up on the corner of Polk and Leavenworth to advertise fast service as well as promote safe driving speeds.

The lion was in the display window at a taxidermy shop. Get this, the door had a "no pictures" sign posted on it (oops, I saw the giant lion in the big window before reading the sign on the door). Apparently, it's okay to kill an animal, gut its insides, replace those insides with stuffing, treat its remaining outer shell with chemicals, and then display its corpse in a storefront, but whatever you do, DON'T TAKE A PICTURE OF IT!

It's not that I have a problem with killing things. I really don't. It's that people have a fucked up view of what's okay to be killed and what's not. I say, if you've ever killed anything, anything; an ant, a spider, a squirrel under you car tire, you're fucking fair game for the rest of the world. I'm not promoting excessive random killing mind you. I just think some goddamn motherfucking respect is in fucking order. I'm including myself in the mix of course – if I get eaten by a bear, it's my own fucking fault. Getting eaten would certainly suck as all get out, but don't shoot the bear because I was walking around with hoho's in my pocket while eating beef jerky and poking her cub with a stick. Fucking tourists.

Ahhh… that rant felt pretty good. For my money, birth and death are insignificant unto themselves, it's what happens in between that give either any meaning.

*For those of you interested in/need to know Kentucky's sodomy laws, click here to see why they did right by their state abbreviation (some free advice: skip the legal mumbo jumbo crap and read the last paragraph like I did with Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Formally Known As Prince).

The shape of things to come

The other night, I thought of this brilliant, brilliant, blog title. As I drifted off to sleep, I thought for sure I'd remember it. Ah well… the memory totally evaporated like a fart in the wind.(1) I should keep a notebook next to my bed like I used to while I was in school. So many things I would write half asleep! Some of them were even good.

If any of you have been to this Thai restaurant in Berkeley near People's Park, you might have noticed the statues that they have on their deck. I 'shopped out some telephone wires and boosted the contrast so you could make out at least some features on the Buddha's face. I liked the sky (it was dusk) as well as the shape against it with the building lights behind. Looking at it again, I suppose it could be more interesting, but eh… you can't win 'em all I suppose.

With rain pattering softly outside and the end of an easy week coming to a close, I'm feeling pretty content for once. I'm sure I'll get over it.

1 From The Shawshank Redemption. The warden makes the remark when they discover that Andy Dufrane is missing.

It's on like Donkey Kong

Sigh… this was one of those times that I wish I had my full sized camera with me. Cathryn and I went for a moonlit constitutional and part of our path took us past this pumping station (insert juvenille joke… … … now!). If you look closely, you can see Venus just above the right side of the building. I hope to return sometime soon with my Canon and maybe a tri-pod to get a better shot. Spontaneous, aren't I?

In other news, my hives returned over the weekend and here and there during this week, but now seem to be dissipating with less and less medication (Claritin saves the day, hooray for big pharma!) I'm hoping that they'll go away as mysteriously and quickly as they arrived. If you're not faint of heart and really curious as to what they look like, here's a scary picture for you to poop on. Seriously, if you're squeamish or think you'll catch them from me (you can't, as much as I'd like to spread my affliction – muahahahahahaha!!!), I do not recommend looking at the picture! You've been forewarned!!!

I think I'll masturbate and go to sleep now.*

*No, not really (today anyway), but for all of you who just recoiled from your computer, again, muahahahahahahaha!!!)

Equilibrium

So I guess the crappy week I had last week was actually a correction from the week before when I had so much fun I felt a little guilty about it (okay, not really). These photos are from Ruby Skye where we saw The Chemical Brothers DJ the night away. The music and the vibe were nothing short of amazing, and messing around with sleeping drunk people was a good diversion as well! (thanks, Merima!)

This week wasn't nearly as bad as last week. No more hives, appointments were made, bills were paid, and no one, not even me, got very upset over anything. I scored a new office chair from Target for half off and I'm using this new Oxo dohickey that washes tall glasses while dispensing soap – at the same time. It's an engineering miracle! Seriously, I know it's probably old news to many of you, but it's new and amazing to me! I've never been so jazzed to wash a cup… ever.

I've done a lot of sleeping, a lot of TV watching (HA! Boston can stay home now! Sorry Boston fans, I was happy that "the curse" was lifted and all, but the parade went on too fucking long for my taste – enough already!! I actually saw a fan, a MALE fan, crying into his hat as the White Sox celebrated. And yes, I laughed at that man. Dude, it's just baseball. Hmmm... on the other hand, maybe he bet 10 large on the series. Then he'd be crying because he's a fucking moron.), and a lot of Futurama watching while eating Doritos and drinking Pepsi.

Life is good as it always has been, I just forgot for a little while last week : | (sorry, Fate!)

Worst week ever!

Actually, if I really tried to think about it, I'm sure I could think of a worse week than last week. But last week was just a long string of dealing with rude people on the road, on the phone, in stores, etc. I'm not talking normal rude that we're all used to either. I'm talking in front of you snide remarks, remorseless dangerous driving, and gallingly childish attitudes. On one hand, I'm an adult. A fairly, dare I say it, responsible adult. And yet last week, I think I was on the brink of doing something felonious in response to what I experienced.

At times I thought to myself, maybe I just look like a push-over or something, but after dealing with amazingly rude person after ridiculously rude person after blatantly rude person, I'm starting to think that some bitch slapping is in order - even if only to retain my sanity. Sadly, I think it can only be of the verbal type though. But I do fantasize about taking a bat and smashing up someone's car just to get my point across that I didn't quite like how they almost sideswiped me while honking their horn and flipping me off... just sayin'.

Ahhh... even writing it down makes me feel a little better (the aforementioned catharsis in a previous blog). I'm looking forward to a friendlier week. A kinder week. And yes, a gentler week. Maybe it was a full moon or something or someone leaked some PCB into the water supply (Amanda, where are you?). Who knows. In any event, whomever finds their way to this blog, there's no need to worry that I'd actually do murderous harm. Because as much as I'd like to and as much as I might think that the human gene pool could use some serious culling, there's just too much fucking paper work when there's a dead body involved.

Have a nice day and go to your happy place : )

He dreams of trees

Not that I want to spoil things if you thought that this image was interesting (you'd have to appreciate the subtle detail by clicking on the image to enlarge it), but this photograph was taken by leaving the shutter open and shining a million candle power flood light around for a few seconds. As a photo geek, I was pretty happy with the results (originally spelled resluts – which makes less sense, but is far more entertaining).

I had the strangest dream ever the other day. You know that quote about a man dreaming that he was a butterfly, but upon waking could not determine whether or not he was a butterfly dreaming he was a man? I dreamt that I was me, but in an alternate universe. I woke up in my bed and was in a very colorful room filled with all this art that I had created.

The really weird part needs some context… you know how you simply know where you grew up and how you spit up food when you were 15, who you went to the prom with, etc.? Memories of a lifetime lived, but not at the forefront of your consciousness but that you could recall instantly if somone asked because it was your history? In my dream, I had an entirely different life, repleat with old memories, but I also remembered who I was in this life and was confused as to why I was in a different life. I was basically the same person, but in an alternate reality.

The dream was so real that while in the dream, I thought to myself, "This is so real, it cannot be a dream." And I started to pick up and move objects to test my new reality (a painting off the wall, and some books on a table I think). Everything worked and felt the way it would as if it were real until I tried to exit the room.

When I went to go to the door, instead of thinking "If this is real, I should be able to leave through that door", in the dream I decided to say it aloud. In the waking world, I felt myself start to move my mouth and vocalize the words and that shot me out of my dream state and back to my room at home.

It took me a few moments to realize where I was and that it was all a dream. But never before have I felt about alternate realities as I do now. I feel without question that I got to peek into a different world than the one am in now.

Red Bull is my friend and keeper

For the first time today, I purchased a BART ticket with my credit card. It was easy. It was fast. And it was bereft of fees. Why the hell didn't I ever notice that before??? I've been carrying around change and singles all these years for nothing! Well, at least now I know and I will join the rest of the Bay Area in the ease and convenience that is BART.

I convinced my project manager to give me the day off tomorrow, so no commuting into the city! I know I'm turning down money, but it'll be great to catch up on my other projects as well as some sleep.

Lately I've been having a complex with my blog. I wonder if anyone reads it. Am I that boring? Is everyone just busy? Maybe I need to advertise. Hell, advertising got me to go see shitty ass War of the Worlds, it certainly could get me a few readers. Then again, what if it's just me and I'm posting to myself? Would it be hubris or cathartic? Oh what the hell do I care? I just downed a Red Bull and bought 3 cases of Pepsi. That's right, 3 cases of Pepsi! On sale at Target for a mere two fiddy each. Fuckin' A, man, fuckin' A… I'm feelin' goooooood!

Burritoquest

I just came back from getting a delicious burrito from a nearby Taqueria. On the walk back, I forgot what part of town I was in. So when I saw a place called "Sizzle" that proclaimed itself as a fine dining establishment, I immediately thought, "hmmm fajitas? steak medallions on a hot plate? sounds good!". But as I continued to pass by this establishment, I noticed that the pictures of the interior went from showing shots of white table cloth tables to scantly clad women (wah-hoy!). "Oh yeah! I'm on Broadway! Duh." Deja Vu and Centerfold's is across the street and the taqueria I went to was across the way from the Velvet Lounge.

I'm not clueless, really I'm not (mostly). I just now know where to go when I have a hankering for some burritos AND boobies. Sometimes it's fun being an adult.

Kid with balloon

Hooray! My uploading of pictures works once more :) Here's a photo to keep you company while I dream about my next blog post…

The greatness of words

For some reason, I can't seem to upload images to my blogger pages, so until I figure it out, things will consist of soley boring ol' words. I'm kidding of course, and to prove it I'll share with you one of the best quotes I've read – maybe ever. There's an article in the April issue of National Geographic about reclaiming the battlefields of the civil war from urban sprawl. Get this, a used car lot is currently on top of where Gettysburg was fought. I know, I know, you just want to see the quote already…

"Generations that know us not and that we know not of, heart-drawn to see where and by whom great things suffered and done for them, shall come to this deathless field, to ponder and dream."

— Union General Joshua L. Chamberlain

O if I could be even half as poetic I'd be happy. But I revel in the loveliness of words and how they impart their meaning upon me. Let it never be said that I was not moved by words, but that on the contrary, I would feel deeply by all that is written or spoken deserving of such response.

Subliminal minimalism

Good god I'm tired. Why do I always stay up so fucking late? Time to shower and rest. Tomorrow I garden my various yard type areas. Hopefully I won't have to chase kids off my property. Damn kids! I'm sure I'll shake my fist in the air as I do, too. I'm an old, old man.

I think I'll wear my fighter plane helmet while I drive around town. Time to spice things up a bit. If I get pulled over, I'll just say I'm a Chinese pilot who's defecting to the U.S. Then I'll have diplomatic immunity and I'll be able to park in handicapped spots and shoplift with no consequences. That would be sweet.

Happy as fuck!

I just love how the flash picked up the falling snow in this shot. I believe this was from unValentine's day 2005. This was definitely good times. After taking this shot, I retreated into the warmth of the cabin and ate potato chips and drank Pepsi. Fuckin' A, man – fuckin' A.

So I cut my hair and the snazzy helmet fits like a glove (ha ha). But my head got used to the extra warmth that was provided by the 1/2 growth. So now I'm walking around and my head is cold. Damn. I guess it's back to knit hats for me. Maybe it's just getting colder. Isn't it almost October or something?

Recently I survived having a small meal of Popeye's Chicken. Mmmm... I ate a wing, a thigh, a bunch of 'cajun' batter fries, and an oily buttery biscuit. It was delicious to be sure, but I seriously think I dodge death every time I consume that stuff these days. I think my body became incapable of processing that much oil and grease after I turned 30. Again. Damn!

One last thing, the song Stay by Oingo Boingo has been looping in my head. I forgot just how good it is. I love rediscovering stuff. I was reminded about that song because it was in Donnie Darko. A seriously fucked up, disturbing movie! I highly recommend it.

Your helmet is so BIG!

Yesssss!!! My fabulous PRC* fighter helmet replica arrived today in the mail. Aside from the weary FexEx driver who almost hit my car while I was backing into my garage, this eBay purchase went off without a hitch.

I've been a little lazy cutting my hair, so it got to be almost a half inch long. Because of my giant melon sized head, the helmet fit was kind of snug. I look forward to shaving my head again soon to its proper length, thereby giving me a more comfortable fit :) I have no idea how pilots deal with the weight though. I think we should look into the history of war and see if the side with the lighter helmets always won because their necks didn't tire from holding up their fucking heavy ass helmets.

For the Fuck This Blog faithful, you may have been wondering where I've been. Aside from purchasing snazzy helmets on eBay, I got to see the Tibet exhibition at the Asian Art Museum in SF. The artifacts "recovered" by the Chinese government are truly amazing and beautiful. Definitely check it out if you can before they leave town. The museum's permanent collection also houses a magnificent jade objects section.

I feel better now. I blog, therefore I am.

*People's Republic of China

Stolen from Overheard In New York dot com

Okay, so it's probably bad to steal humor and put it on your site, but this was too funny and disgusting to ignore. It must be publicized!!!

[the following is from overheardinnewyork.com]

Guy #1: So, yeah, I walked in on my grandparents having sex one time.
Guy #2: Gross.
Guy #1: Now I can't eat raisins.
Guy #2: Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Guy #1: It's not what you think, because raisins are wrinkly and stuff. He was putting raisins into her vagina.

--1 train

Bugs Bunny didn't get away *this* time!

Well, I suppose it's not the real Bugs Bunny, but it's what remains of him on a warm September day. I share with you this partially melted, half eaten, cartoon character popsicle so that you too can have a sweet, tasty memory that reflects the days when you ran after the ice cream truck. Who knows, maybe you still do. Maybe we all should. I'm sure the weirdo ice cream truck driver guy would like it. Like baby pigeons, has anyone ever seen an ice cream truck driver gal? And if so, did she look like she could work at Hooters, or did she look like truck drivin' Large Marge from Pee-wee's Big Adventure?

On a side note (well, who am I kidding, this entire blog is a side note), I incorrectly thought that Blogger was bought out by Yahoo! - they were actually bought out by Google. No wonder it works so well!

Have a fun and safe Labor Day weekend everyone :)

You've got jury duty! (lost out to "You've got mail!")

More stuff from the Monterey Bay Aquarium… Chihuly did glass sculptures inspired by jellyfish and they were on display (the special exhibit was all sorts of jellyfish that month). Absolutely beautiful stuff! If you've ever been to the Bellagio in Vegas, he also has an installation there. I've seen that one though, and in my professional artistic opinion - meh.

Tonight as I was driving home from the evening's festivities, a car gradually approached behind me and just hung out. I figured, "Hey, this guy isn't being a dick by tailgating me, so I'll just move aside and let him pass." As he did, I admired his shiny black and white paint job and golden emblem on his door. Yep, it was good ol' Highway Patrol! I remember the days when I could tell that a car was a cop just by how it drove. Now, I've got cuffs on and I'm in the back seat before realizing, "Whoa, this car's a cop!" I should probably stop taking all those designer recreational drugs. They're deleterious to my perceptiveness I would say. Or maybe not. I can't tell.

Vegas, baby!

Vegas, August 2003. Not the best shot in the world, but I do so love the neon glow.

So my word of the day: copacetic \koh-puh-SET-ik\ adj : very satisfactory

Although I know the word, I don't think I've ever used it in writing or in speech. But for some reason I find it amusing. The next time someone asks me how my day is going, I'm going to answer, "It's fucking copacetic, man!" (even if it's a girl who asks - BIG points coming my way!!).